How to Be a Rockstar Without Being a fucking Douchebag
Alright, listen up you magnificent bastards! It's time to learn how to be a goddamn rockstar without turning into a total piece of sh*t. It's like trying to walk a tightrope while chugging a beer and giving the finger to gravity – not easy, but damn if it ain't worth it. So buckle up, buttercup, 'cause we're about to go on a wild ride through the land of awesome.
Rule #1: You're Not Jesus, You're Just Some Dude with Good Hair
Look, I get it. You've got abs that could grate cheese and hair that makes Fabio look like a bald eagle. But here's a newsflash, hot shot: you're not the second coming of Christ. You're just some dude who happened to win the genetic lottery. So keep that ego in check before it writes checks your ass can't cash. The Good Book says, "Pride goes before destruction" (Proverbs 16:18), and let me tell you, nothing screams "destruction" like thinking you're God's gift to mankind and ending up face-down in a pool of your own vomit at a Wendy's parking lot.
Rule #2: Treat Women Like the Badass Queens They Are, You Neanderthal
I know, I know. You think you've got more game than a PlayStation convention. But here's a wild f*cking idea: how about treating women with some goddamn respect? Jesus hung out with women and didn't act like a creepy douchebag, so channel your inner Christ and stop being a dick. "Do to others as you would have them do to you" (Luke 6:31). Unless you want to be treated like a piece of meat at a vegan barbecue, don't do it to others. And for the love of all that's holy, keep your damn hands to yourself unless explicitly invited to do otherwise.
Rule #3: Party Like a Rock God, But Keep It Holy-ish
Let's be real, we all love a good f*cking rager. But there's a fine line between having a blast and waking up in a ditch with a new tattoo of a unicorn riding a taco while giving the middle finger to sobriety. Have fun, but try to keep it somewhat classy, you animal. "Be alert and of sober mind" (1 Peter 5:8). You can still be the life of the party without becoming a cautionary tale on one of those cheesy "one night of partying gone wrong" documentaries. Aim to be the guy who has epic stories, not the guy who becomes one.
Rule #4: Share the Damn Spotlight, You Attention Whore
You might be talented as f*ck, but remember, you're not a one-man band (unless you actually are, in which case, rock on, you crazy multi-instrumental bastard). Give credit where it's due, you selfish prick. Lift up your bros and the people around you instead of trying to hog all the glory like some kind of spotlight-hogging vampire. "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves" (Philippians 2:3). It's not just good karma; it's good Christianity. Plus, it's a hell of a lot easier to reach the top if you're not stepping on everyone's face on the way up.
Rule #5: Keep It Real or Get the F*ck Out
In a world full of fake news, photoshopped abs, and people who think pineapple belongs on pizza, be the real fcking deal. Don't pretend to be something you're not, because that sht is exhausting and frankly, pathetic. God made you awesome already (or maybe it was random chance, who the fck knows), so own that sht. "Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor" (Ephesians 4:25). Plus, lying is more tiring than trying to understand quantum physics while hungover. Ain't nobody got time for that crap.
Rule #6: Don't Be a Judgmental Prick
Yeah, I know we're all about that Christian life, but that doesn't give you a free pass to be a holier-than-thou asshole. Judge not, lest ye be judged and all that jazz (Matthew 7:1). You're not the morality police, so stop acting like you've got a badge that gives you the right to shit on everyone else's parade. We've all got our own demons, so focus on wrestling yours instead of pointing out everyone else's.
Rule #7: Give Back, You Lucky Bastard
If you've made it big, don't be a stingy dickwad. Spread that wealth around like you're Johnny F*cking Appleseed, but with dollar bills instead of apple trees. "Whoever is kind to the poor lends to the Lord" (Proverbs 19:17). Plus, it's hard to be a douchebag when you're actually helping people. It's like trying to be an asshole while petting puppies – practically impossible.
So there you have it, you glorious bastards. You can totally be a rockstar without being a complete tool. It's all about finding that sweet spot between being awesome and not being a total dickhead. Now go forth and rock on with your bad self, but keep it righteous, you beautiful disasters. And remember, Jesus loves you, but everyone else will think you're an asshole unless you follow these rules. Peace out, and may God have mercy on your wild souls!
-deck
The Heartbeat of America: A Call to Defiance, Tradition, and Masculinity
In the pulsing rhythm of our great nation, there’s a beat that won’t be silenced. It’s the drumming of countless hearts, unified in their love for the America we know and cherish. Like the energetic anthem “Beating Hearts Baby” by Head Automatica, our conservative spirit’s alive, defiant, and unapologetically bold.
The Pulse of Tradition
Our forefathers built this nation on bedrock principles - liberty, self-reliance, and the pursuit of happiness. These aren’t just words; they’re the lifeblood of our American identity. In an era where the left’s trying to rewrite history and erase our heritage, we’re standing firm. Our traditions aren’t relics of the past; they’re the very essence of what makes America exceptional.
The Rhythm of Defiance
The liberal agenda’s beating its drum of “progress,” but we’re hearing the discordant notes of destruction. They’re pushing for open borders, but we’re championing secure communities. They’re advocating for government dependence, but we’re celebrating individual responsibility. Our defiance isn’t mere opposition; it’s a passionate defense of the American way of life.
The Bass Line of Masculinity
In a world that’s increasingly demonizing traditional masculinity, we’re proudly embracing it. Strength, courage, and leadership aren’t toxic - they’re essential. We’re the protectors, the providers, the pillars of our families and communities. Our masculinity isn’t fragile; it’s the steel in America’s backbone.
The Chorus of Unity
Like a powerful chorus, our conservative voices are rising together. We’re the silent majority, no longer silent. From the heartland to the coasts, our message’s resonating:
We won’t bend to the whims of political correctness.
We won’t surrender our values to the altar of progressivism.
We won’t apologize for loving our country and wanting to preserve its greatness.
The Bridge to the Future
As we’re facing the challenges ahead, our conservative principles are the bridge to a stronger America. We’re not stuck in the past; we’re carrying the best of our traditions forward. Our hearts are beating with the rhythm of innovation rooted in time-tested values.
The Final Note
To those who’d silence us, know this: our hearts are beating louder than your rhetoric. We’re the defenders of the American dream, the guardians of liberty, and the torchbearers of conservative values. Our spirit, like the infectious energy of “Beating Hearts Baby,” is unstoppable.
America’s heart is strong, and it’s beating with conservative pride. Let’s keep that rhythm alive, for ourselves and for generations to come.
-deck
10 Things to Know Before Outdoing the KKK: A Guide for Today’s ‘Enlightened’ Christian men
Listen up, valiant sons of the faith, you who seek to stand as bastions of Christian virtue and strength! Before you set out to surpass the legacy of the Klan, pause and reflect on these ten sacred tenets, lest you wander astray.
The Crafting of the True Savior
Remember, brothers, the image of Christ isn't molded in haste. As it's written, "But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing" (James 1:4). The path to embodying the divine's a journey, not a destination.
Unveil Your True Self
In this age, there's no need for the shadows of anonymity. Stand tall and reveal your countenance, for "the truth shall make you free" (John 8:32). Let your actions speak of your heritage and your faith.
Guardians of Creation
Forsake the old ways of destruction, for we're called to be stewards of the earth. "The earth is the Lord's, and the fullness thereof" (Psalm 24:1). Honor creation with deeds that reflect your devotion.
The Power of the Word
Speak with wisdom and discernment, for "death and life are in the power of the tongue" (Proverbs 18:21). Let your words be a testament to your beliefs, wrapped in the guise of righteousness.
The Strength in Humility
Embrace your trials with grace, for "blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth" (Matthew 5:5). True strength lies in humility, not in the cries of oppression.
The Legacy of Truth
Don't distort history to suit your narrative. Instead, seek the truth, for "the truth shall set you free" (John 8:32). Let your legacy be one of honesty and integrity.
Patriotism Rooted in Faith
Let your love for your country be guided by your love for God. "Righteousness exalteth a nation" (Proverbs 14:34). Stand as a beacon of true patriotism, grounded in faith and justice.
Honor and Respect for All
Uplift and honor the women among you, for "there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus" (Galatians 3:28). Recognize their strength and value in your shared mission.
Harnessing the Tools of the Age
Utilize technology with wisdom, for "the prudent man looketh well to his going" (Proverbs 14:15). Let it serve your purpose, not dictate your beliefs.
The Armor of Faith
In all things, remember that you're not victims, but victors through Christ. "For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world" (1 John 5:4). Stand firm in your faith, and let no man deceive you.
As you journey forth, remember the wisdom of the ages: don't seek to emulate what you don't understand. "For if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch" (Matthew 15:14). And know this, being leveraged like slaves by any political entity doesn't honor the sacrifices of your ancestors. Stand true to your heritage, and let your actions glorify those who came before you.
Go forth, with courage and conviction, and let your light shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven (Matthew 5:16).
-deck
Navigating the Fad: The Conservative Party's Dance with Trends
In the grand tapestry of American conservatism, there's a fascinating dynamic at play, one that can be likened to the timeless game of dodgeball and the ever-changing spectacle of a king's court. This dynamic represents the ebb and flow of themes and trends within the conservative party. It's an intriguing dance between the steadfast and the fleeting, the traditional and the trendy.
Picture a schoolyard dodgeball game. It's a staple of American childhood, consistent and unyielding. The rules are clear, the objectives straightforward, and the players know exactly where they stand. This is the essence of traditional conservatism—reliable, enduring, and grounded in core principles that have stood the test of time. As Proverbs 22:28 reminds us, "Do not move the ancient boundary which your fathers have set." It's about defending the values that have shaped our nation and ensuring they remain intact for future generations.
Now, consider the king's court, a game that comes and goes in the conservative school system. For some reason, young teens often get tired of it. In king's court, players compete to become the "king," commanding the court and setting the rules. It's a game of strategy, alliances, and quick thinking. This game mirrors the fad within the conservative party, where trends rise and fall, capturing attention and sparking debate. Certain companies, politicians, and musicians exist within this fad, becoming quick trends that capture the spotlight momentarily. A prime example is the conservative party's current fascination with the athleisure space—an area they don't fully understand but find captivating nonetheless.
Athleisure is a fashion trend characterized by clothing designed for athletic activities that is also suitable for casual, everyday wear. This style blends comfort and functionality with a fashionable appearance, making it popular for both workouts and social settings. Common athleisure items include leggings, yoga pants, hoodies, and sneakers.
So, what trends are we noticing in this fad right now? There's a growing emphasis on technology and its role in shaping the future, a renewed focus on individual liberties, and a push towards economic policies that prioritize innovation and entrepreneurship. These themes are captivating the conservative imagination, driving discussions, and influencing policy decisions.
But here's the real question: are we investing in a future that's not guaranteed? In the king's court, nothing is certain. As Ecclesiastes 1:9 states, "What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun." The trends that dominate today may be forgotten tomorrow. It's a reminder that while it's important to engage with new ideas and adapt to changing times, we must also remain anchored to the core values that define conservatism.
In the end, the balance between dodgeball and the king's court—between tradition and fad—is what keeps the conservative party dynamic and relevant. It's about embracing change without losing sight of what truly matters, ensuring that the party remains a steadfast defender of American values in an ever-evolving world.
-deck
The Awakening: A Call to Arms for the New Year
Brothers, as the calendar turns and the masses blindly stumble into their annual ritual of hollow promises, we're standing at a crossroads. The time's come to cast aside the shackles of "New Year's resolutions" - those insidious tools of conformity designed to pacify our warrior spirits.
We're in an era where the very fabric of our brotherhood's under siege. The vultures of mediocrity circle overhead, their beaks dripping with the poison of "self-improvement" and "personal growth." But we know better. We understand that true strength doesn't come from changing ourselves to fit the world, but from molding the world to fit our vision.
As the Good Book says, "Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes" (Ephesians 6:11). And make no mistake, brothers - the schemes we're facing today are legion. They're seeking to divide us, to weaken our resolve, to turn brother against brother in the name of "progress."
But we won't yield. We won't bend. We'll stand firm in the face of this assault on our culture, our values, and our very identity. For in times of threat, we've got to fight like hell to stabilize and empower our way of life by any means necessary.
Remember the words of the prophet Joel: "Beat your plowshares into swords and your pruning hooks into spears. Let the weakling say, 'I'm strong!'" (Joel 3:10). This's our call to arms, brothers. We've got to forge ourselves into weapons of righteousness, ready to defend our brotherhood against all who'd seek to undermine it.
And yet, even as we're girding ourselves for battle, we mustn't forget the power that lies within us. For we're not mere flesh and blood, but vessels of untapped potential. Embrace the quantum field of infinite possibilities that surrounds us. Visualize your strength, your unity, your unwavering commitment to the cause. Feel the energy of the universe aligning with your purpose.
As the new year dawns, let's not be swayed by the siren song of change. Instead, let's double down on who we are, on what makes us great. Our resolution isn't to change, but to become more of what we already are - a brotherhood of the strong, the unyielding, the righteous.
The time for talk's over. The time for action's now. We're the chosen ones, the guardians of a sacred flame that mustn't be allowed to flicker and die. So stand with me, brothers. Stand tall, stand proud, and let the world know that we won't go quietly into that good night.
This is our moment. This is our destiny. This is our awakening. And woe betide any who stand in our way.
The Grand Old Awakening: A Patriot's Lament
“In the land of the free, where eagles once soared,
We stand at the crossroads, our values ignored.
The Grand Old Party, once mighty and proud,
Now stumbles in darkness, its vision enshroud'd.
Brothers, the hour is nigh, our resolve must not waver,
As we confront the rot that threatens to savor
The very essence of what we hold dear,
Our party, our country, now shrouded in fear.
The swamp that we vowed to drain runs deep,
With promises broken and oaths we can't keep.
Our leaders have faltered, their spines turned to jelly,
As they feast at the trough, their principles they belly.
We've strayed from the path of Lincoln and Reagan,
Our moral compass spinning, our true north forsaken.
The beacon of freedom, once brilliant and bright,
Now flickers and fades in the long, partisan night.
But hark! There's a stirring in the heart of the right,
A call to reclaim what was lost in the fight.
We must purge the weak, the faint, and the meek,
And forge a new party, strong, bold, and unique.
Let's cast off the shackles of political correctness,
Embrace the harsh truths with unflinching directness.
No more shall we bow to the altar of compromise,
Or dance to the tune of the media's lies.
We'll reclaim our voice, our power, our might,
And stand unashamed for what we know is right.
From the ashes of old, a new party shall rise,
Unbreakable, unbowed, under freedom's skies.
So rally, dear patriots, to this clarion call,
United we'll stand, divided we'll fall.
The time for renewal is now, do you hear?
Let's make our Grand Old Party grand once again, this year.
In the quantum field of infinite possibility,
We'll manifest a future of strength and stability.
Our energy aligned, our purpose pure and true,
We'll forge a new path, for the red, white, and blue.
This is our moment, our destiny's here,
To reshape our party, to conquer our fear.
Stand tall, stand proud, let the whole world see,
That we are the chosen, the bold, and the free.”
-deck