Calabasas High : Mitchell's 11th Grade Journals Unleashed!

“Yo, what's good, Calabasas fam! Can you believe how far we've come together? It's been a wild ride, and now I've got something epic to share with y'all. Check it out - we've got our hands on some of Mitchell's 11th grade journals! This is just the tip of the iceberg, 'cause our boy's got a whole vault full of these gems. Now, don't trip if some names get mixed up - these were written on the fly, you feel me? Oh, and peep this: Mitchell called Stephan "Stephanie" in the intro journals. Maybe he was catching feelings and wanted to keep it on the down-low, who knows? Anyway, buckle up 'cause we're about to dive into Mitchell's world. Let's go!”

May, 2011
The second semester storm that I never saw coming. I thought I was in the clear. And I was upset about it. I wanted an adventure. Well, I got one... This is unlike any "drama" I've experienced. Who would have known? Stephanie? I would have said that he wasn't capable of much. Not nearly as much as the last one. This feels different. This feels like being punched in the stomach and being left on the ground. I said I wanted something chaotic and that's just what I got. Though I'm not necessarily proud of myself for sending those messages tonight, I wish I were more aware... they were the PERFECT messages. Just enough for him to get it but not enough for him to tell anyone and it make sense. If him rejecting my call tonight means that he's done then that's fine. He needed to know and with the way things were going, I was going to eventually tell him. I have to re-evaluate. In a way, I need a miracle. It's 12:43am, I'm not sleepy, I'm going through withdrawals, I have work tomorrow, a week's worth of make-up, prom this weekend, and a production deal on deck along with a producer who seems to all of a sudden be too busy to record. This too shall pass. Talked to auntie tonight, of course, she had her "moments," but there was some positive I could have taken.

What is the Stephanie situation costing me? In a way I need to detach. But part of me wants to go all out. But I keep getting hurt. I keep getting wasted and unable to think/process logically.

To recap I hung out with him this Saturday and spent the night and was off for my spa the next day. We met at his job on the corner of the street, went to Red Robin's, walked around the commons I went to the bathroom and he decided he wanted to go watch a movie. We paced trying to figure out what movie to watch and he finally picked one. Eventually his friend Brandon came over, he was texting some girl the entire time that wanted to fuck him. All of a sudden when I started asking him about it he said "no I don't need that in my life right now". I was happy when he turned off the lights and got mad when Brandon showed up. He got mad at me when I texted, but I was only faking it because he was. Later he told me that it made him upset. I spent the night his mom came home along with his brother. He gave me clothes to sleep in. We watched Dog Day Afternoon. So awkward when the gay scene came up? But he's never said anything offensive. I felt like I had to say what I said tonight. I can rest assured now, knowing that I put myself out there, dropped enough to allow him to take it or leave it. Life goes on though. Plenty of fish in the sea, there's got to be one for me... I couldn't really sleep during the night and felt like I wanted to jump from the roof... (I was out of it and that would have been perfectly acceptable at the time)... woke him up in the morning and he got mad, I remember him curling up on the bed pretending to sleep once we straightened the bed, we went to Corner Bakery, ate and planned our "vacation" he said we're both going to get "really drunk"... things are just surreal... they seem more surfire than the last one, but I remember how the last one turned out how I have to be cautious. I'm sitting on a potential empire and have to watch the decisions I make. Ultimately, though this is 'fun' and 'creative' for me, eventually I'm going to have to weigh my options and figure out for real what this is costing me.

I went to Burke Williams, when I got home from my run I was REALLY out of it but I stuck it out, in the sleeping room I don't even know what happened... almost passed out in the jacuzzi & was freaked out for a few moments in my oil treatment. It's been a rough couple of weeks and the strange thing about it is that I NEVER saw any of this coming... that's life for ya.... it's not getting any easier. Chip up. Laugh at your pain and mistakes...

May 3rd
Got a text from him this morning "hate school" everything went well talked throughout the day saw Hope at Gelson's, said "hellurr" to the lady.... had my first day at Red Lobster went really well.. the "Marquis" crew was in full effect. Gave crayons to the little black kids, out of it but it REALLY served to my benefit today. Eric said attorneys have talked and maybe tomorrow or WED we can record.... I'm just letting go of love... not saying I don't want it but especially now in my life, it's child's play... now is the time to make mistakes, no regrets :)

May 7th
Had a good day today, REALLY out of it, but umm, went to IHOP with my mom today after leaving Denny's talked to Stephan a little, but it feels a lot less intense. I think everything might have climaxed with that, but oh well, I'm not really tripping on it, worked tonight, got off early, went to McDonald's in Walmart after cause my mom went to Tamir's going away, two gay black men "we work in the acting/commercial industry"... LOL goodbye, girl tweeted me "I really enjoy reading your tweets". I want this delusion to wear off but at the same time I like certain things about it... we'll see.....

May 8th
Some people might say that the highs are worth the lows, but with everything going on right now, going through this withdrawal, starting a new job, waiting for my music to pick back up, it's just unnecessary. Especially when I get to the point when I know he's getting my texts but he's not responding to them. When I call and he answers, then I call back and he doesn't. It's just a joke that I'm not laughing at. The formula is always the same, as soon as I start giving attention the person flies away. Suddenly I'm not as interesting anymore.

May 8th
Continued went to work got off early walked/ran home in the pitch black fucking out of it was praying I'd get home dogs barked guy asked me if the dog could be a fire dog the man in Red Lobster told me I was a respectful young man, getting used to the workplace, everyone texted me but Stephan, fuck my life. Well, there's not much else I could say... just trying to maintain my frame of mind, this second semester is a fucking bitch!!!!!!!

May 9th
Talked to Stephan today, texted him throughout lunch with Alix and it seemed like everyone texted me but him, finally after saying "are you mad at me" he told me his grandmother passed away, which though sad was a relief knowing he wasn't mad at me. Lexie is ignorant and thinks fish oil is bad for one to take. Changing my attitude about my circumstances (fatigue). Happy mom talked to Roger today and things are moving along, he should hopefully have the contract by Friday. It's 10:48 right now. Been updating my Twitter like crazy as of lately. Still around 2,700 followers.

May 11th
Yesterday I went to Culver City/Bridge and had a mint mocha and worked on my KreyKrey deconstruction paper.

Was supposed to hang out with Stephan today, planned it since Monday and well, can you guess? Let's go for dinner? Let's go when Andrew gets his money, let's smoke three blunts.

I ended up leaving when a thought came into my head, the thought was "he's disrespecting my time... my time is valuable"... I'm just sort of done. When I think about it, Roy doesn't fuck with him anymore. Him and his friend are like Beavis and Butthead. I just can't deal with his ignorance and lack of awareness. He doesn't care about anyone but himself and weed at the end of the day. What I do know is that it's not personal, he acts like that with girls too. Me and him were moving at a REALLY fast pace then all of a sudden it's like it was before I cut him off. Time to cut his ass off again. And like Alix said today at Islands (which by the way she was singing my praise more than usual)... "now's not the time for you to be making new friends". She's right. Focus. Focus. Focus.

Dear Stephan: The spark has died out. The flame is gone. Can I say though, you took me on quite a mental ride. Ever since the day before I left to New Mexico you've taken over my consciousness. But now it's just like it was before the shift and I can't deal. You've been playing with my emotions and my time for too long now. I have to stand up and respect myself enough to know what I deserve.

May 12th
Trying to be independent. Texted Ariel today she didn't answer, talked to Laurean Strayhorn, had a REALLY productive conversation with Devon - as he was feeling the same symptoms as I was, especially the waking up in the middle of sleep. Went off w/Sara and Dar Dar "why do you have a unibrow" went to Subway, really wanted Taco Bell but I'm happy we ended up going healthy... "Give Me Everything Tonight" was playing in the car. Phone went off in KreyKrey, whose phone was that? Gay kid as we were walking into the H building "Sara just go!" LOL, interesting...

May 13th
Today was somewhat surreal I was truly out of it but I got enough pictures. Tennis and swim center, I got to school early, ultimately having Alix pick me back up from the house around ten. My mom was inching up in an odd way. Just somewhat surreal, it's ending, and I'm numb. I can't feel anything. I will get through this though. Got three servings of food Dr. Raleigh gave me extra chips and an extra burger patty. Devon wasn't feeling Jocqui at all. Lexie let me borrow her towel. Got in the water and I felt like I was going to faint, especially when I put my head in the water. Sara dancing like she was going to the club, got in splashed Devon, Devon splashed back and Sara freaked out. Sash was playing with my hair in the bus, she def. still has feelings. Was rushing to go to nowhere, talked to Ms. Paul let me know she was going to be laid off, so sad. Took pictures with the Virgin Mary, Annie and others. There are a lot of really chill kids that go to Calabasas, it's just cool to complain about it and since I have never felt "involved" it's easier to just distance myself from it all entirely. Mom was grumpy as she is trying to find a new job, it's obvious that she's stressed out about that because everything she goes off about. She's got that rough look coming home. I don't know, I really don't. She acts so stressed and tired, but what's it going to be when it's 2x? She doesn't hear anybody but Steve. Got on the bus alone today, it wasn't assigned.

May 17th
Craziest dream, some man being controlled by a monster in the living room floodlights when finally the white man shuts down the human? and the ceiling lights finally come down from the ceiling with some wires.

The past few days have been mellow, Eric said he gets back NEXT WEEK which is such a burn. The old ladies from Red Lobster I hope wrote nice about me alright....

May 19th
Tonight is such a rarity. I feel like a state of emotion. Not human. But a spirit. Just argued with Stephan though I can barely feel it. If you told me right now that it didn't happen I would believe you. I'm just waiting for the moment when I go crazy. I'm trying to remain stable. So much of my life is up in the air. I'm at the point in the movie where the ending is completely unreadable. I know what I want to happen but at the same time, time is just so unpredictable. Pray for the best. Stephan? I just hope that he doesn't kick my ass.

I really have no idea what you're talking about. At this point, I'm actually going to end this conversation. You're right. I'm wrong. Goodnight. One thing you're not going to do is act like I don't respect what's important in your life. I'm the first one to attempt to motivate you to sell to clubs, to keep it moving when your friends are lagging, I'm the friend that buys you books on balance and priorities, the friend that buys you sympathy cards when you're going through a rough time. All I'm asking is that you let me know what's going on in advance + follow through with what you say. Common sense is such a rarity these days. You're extremely prideful. I have friends around me that have no fucking clue about the music industry, but because they are positive and encouraging, it's motivating, simple as that. It's not business. It's going to get something to eat w/my friend. If it was business and you made someone wait for as long as I did they wouldn't do business with you again. Look, I'm not going to argue with you. It's not business. It's integrity. I don't I'm not going to argue with you Stephan. You TRIPPED OUT on Andrew for being 15 minutes late to your house with your plants, so please don't act like making someone wait for hours is 'just business'. In business, time is money. It's not about the "salad" Stephan. You do this ALL THE TIME. The time we planned to go to Red Robin's I get to your house and you're like yeah, Andrew's coming over and we're smoking weed. One day when we're not friends Peace? You said it not me. Go This wasn't meant to be an argument. I was simply saying

May 20th
Another day. One day closer to graduation. Went off with Alix today, I think I might have recorded? But that could have been yesterday. Sara was acting weird today. Talked in investments about the road rage incident with Anthony and Khelsea had a lot to say. It was Mrs. Kreykrey's birthday today! Celebrated! Went to work at four and got off at eight. Talked about the Elco prom. Thought I saw Tavior driving by but it wasn't him. The bus felt like it was taking forever to come. Tweeting about Will actually moving to NY? Obsessed with Monika's MacBook Pro of course! Anyways, didn't talk to Stephan and so far I'm having minimal withdrawals. I want to make myself love him but he's a fucking idiot. I need to put my energies into my music. This is my one and possibly only shot to do music on the scale that I wish to.

May 21st
Worked until like 9:50 tonight. My feet were feeling it. I'm still extremely zoned out but slightly more content than usual. Feels good to know that I'm making money and it feels good to have somewhere to be. When the time is right, being alone is KEY for me... but I'm at the point now where with summer and college coming up, I need things to keep my mind busy and to create progress. So the next chapter of my life will include, music, college, and work. I'm excited for this new chapter actually. It feels like a new me. Which is why lately I've had no problem playing Mitchell Abbott at school. I will say though that the people that work at my job are starting to get annoying. They're just annoying. I see why some of them don't want to talk. At the end of the day it's teaching me 1. how to grind - work long hours 2. how to create and act out a persona 3. how to create a professional personality at all times 4. how to deal with people etc.

It's Alix's prom tonight. The year itself is wrapping up. Before I know it it will REALLY be over. Wow.

May 22nd
Zoned out. Today felt like eternity. Lately these days stretch out. This morning could have been a year ago in my mind. Got off work around 8:30 tonight. Saw Jared headshots, I just can't wait until the day when they talk about how "Mitchell Royel" used to work with us. Matt talked to me about how he served for the VP. They all seem nice enough. I'm afraid I'm going to click back into things and everything is going to get harder. The craziest is when I hear myself talk and I'm thinking, who the fuck is talking. I was very productive today. For once everything went as planned. Got my science notes done, was ready for work on time, cleaned the house, and got my nap in. This school year is almost up. I know I'm going to look up and it's going to be gone.

May 23rd
Today was interesting. Still foggy, but today I showed a fair amount of wit. "I know what you're trying to say, what, you don't want me to go, Mitchell it's like four pages" stole Jessica's drawing, put it in Kreykrey's class. Honestly, I don't mean to sound dramatic but I feel possessed lol. I've always been impulsive but this takes it to an entirely new level of ADD. But I'm not going to claim it. Keep pushing and getting shit accomplished on my day to day baby.

May 24th
Fatigued per usual. Went to Santa Monica met a cute girl who's on her grind. Looking forward to meeting up with her. Realized the magnitude of the people that are out in the world for me to discover. I've been in such a bubble for the past years. No matter where I end up next year I'm going to be popping that bubble and starting anew. Eric texted me about a plug-in he bought. It's good to feel some movement. Sometimes time takes care of it all. I'm growing and learning. And I feel ready to sign these contracts. Was I ready before? Mentally? Fuck no. Think I'm going to Bond's show. Bought a Rockstar from Walmart been all over the place, Target, CVS, Albertsons, saw the homeless man whistling the bitch in CVS told me the bathroom was out of order. Lopes is getting fired, Sara was upset because Arian broke up with her on her birthday. Rockland finally contacted. Mom was mad at me for my sugar free Rockstar. She's unrealistic and in denial sometimes. Also talked mom into dressing nice so she went to Ross and bought a new dress.

May 25th
Went to Pierce for a tour, mom argued to get the tour, paid for the parking which was two dollars say inta, wasn't planning on testing, figured out I could take the test, took the test, failed the math section, took a shit in the bathroom, talked to a girl from Cleveland, it was a "distinguished year" when she graduated. Saw a counselor and I'm good on that note, came home DFed, napped woke up feeling HORRIBLE tried to make my way through it, discovered depersonalization and derealization, relieved I could put a name on it, mom came home watched the voice ate pizza went to the gym, felt like I was going to pass out came home had a discussion with my mom about suicide took shower went to sleep

May 26th
Today was another fatigued day. But I was extremely productive at work, one of the pluses of this fatigue. I don't judge myself as much. Don't like the haze but at the same time, there are parts of it that really assist me in life. I'm not even aware as I type this (typing the Kreykrey deconstruction w/my eyes closed) Angela was going on about how frustrated she was that people were saying her and Tim made out. Cut the Red Lobster drama. It's irrelevant. I'm there to get my check and bounce. Cute girl at the gas station asking where I worked. Mom in a bad mood when she picked me up. Nana's foot is stinking. Going into Kohl's and the Kohl's bathroom before work. Going into Petco and asking about the fish. Walking around TJ Maxx. It's so weird because when I think back on it it feels like someone else was controlling me. It's the weirdest thing. I honestly just hope I can come up with some solutions soon. Got into a little tiff with Lexie today. I love Alix but her and Lexie together annoy the fuck out of me. So afraid to step out of the box. Anyways, I've got stuff to do. I'm going to give my all to my to-do lists.

May 27th
Long day but I make it through with this fatigue. Sometimes, though I wish I could wake up, I think about how difficult work and completing tasks would be without this fog. It's crazy. I know it's a 50% 50%. I know that fifty percent of this fog is mental whilst the other is actually real. Like right now I can't even see the screen I'm typing on. So strange. But I had a good day at work today. The black girl that came in saying "Red Lobster is popping" Angela is a bit of a drama queen. When I got home Eric called to let me know that he can record tomorrow which is good. Bond was rude in not coming both days. Shows a lack of respect for the product. But all is well that ends well. The bathroom in Red Lobster was so nasty tonight, dirty pads - I had never seen such a thing. But I'm so unaffected by it all which I find good and bad. Maybe, just maybe my body needs to be in fight or flight at this point. (Because they say that is what triggers it) It could very well be that now my dreams / goals are so close that another force has to take over. On the other hand it could very well be a test. Will this break me? I think not. I'm going to fight to the end. Never a failure always a lesson motherfucka.

Got out of investments today and talked to Devon for a while, showed his disgust for Jocqui as usual, "call yo momma I got three years worth of stuff to tell her ass" LOL I also went off campus today with the basketball crew, so different. They're so boring, simple and generic. Not my kind of people but it's cool to integrate myself into different groups. Learning to be more of a chameleon and an actor in real life. Transitioning through characters effortlessly. This too shall pass, I will get through this all.

5/28
*Cheesecake Factory tonight w/mom Tammy and Eunice *Green tea from Starbucks *Cancelled on Bond for not calling back *Worked at Red Lobster, gossiped talked shit about Tina *Waited 25 minutes to clean the women's bathroom *Got my haircut *DF *Eric cancelled on tonight moved it to Monday at noon *Lots of depersonalized YouTube videos

5/29
*Went to work *Talked to manager about Tina *Ty checked my socks *Ty rolled her eyes at Trine *Matt's soft voice *Getting cheese rolls before Angela told me about Brandon *Losing the car in the parking lot *Watching Hangover 2! *"Go read a book!!" *Got some more information on the Hangover 2 *Went to Ralph's late tonight and got some trash bags and trail mix *Mom said the guy behind her smelled like alcohol *Read up some more on derealization
*Completely out of it today *Went to Walmart nice lady at checkout - got a book from the old Mervyn's *Thought about DF and got over it *Hopefully studio tomorrow - had conversation with mom about the whole situation on my way home *Black guy making joke about Will Smith

May 30th
Went to the studio at 12, asked Eric if he needed anything, overall had a great session after some technical difficulties. - Dropped off dry cleaning. Doing the harmonies, Eric told me that I needed to get a vocal coach or it would be near impossible to get a deal. With the whole derealization going on it was hard for me to concentrate and feel and overall passion for the recording. It hit me pretty hard. The Crowd Nine video was almost like a life raft. Eric loved it and he loved the new music. Called the new coach and got that set up. Bought the L-Theanine and it truly did do wonders for my anxiety. I still feel somewhat derealized but taking the L-theanine was the first time I took something and actually could feel some positive effect. I still have this fear of a heart attack or something random happening to me.

Part of me needed to hear what Eric said. I've worked too hard to quit now. I've worked too hard and have been through too much to stop now. I've given up my social life & sanity for this shit. I've come this far and there's no point in turning back. I asked for this and THIS time I'm going to damn well get what I set out to get. Mitchell Royel will be the next Lady Gaga

I'm on the right track and I am the guide of my life. I need to first handle this derealization and ensure that I'm chemically balanced and physically able to meet the challenges at hand. Along with that I need to carry out my to-do lists and

May 31st
Though I'm not as stressed over my "derealization" today I was SO completely gone! I think I was asleep for the majority of the day as I was getting things done. It seems like forever ago that I signed up for my Pierce classes and what not. Created a new Facebook page. It's somewhat intimidating to have such a low friend count but it's motivating to get out there and meet new people. Cleaned the house and picked up dry cleaning. Out of all the days I've stayed home and though I didn't complete my entire to do list, I got more accomplished today than any other day. I'm thankful for that relaxant, it just kind of numbs me completely, though I'm still having a major issue with this de-realization. Mom was so happy with her new room, I loved the look on her face when she was telling me how excited she was. Right outside of the bathroom door in the dim lights she smiled, made me happy to know that she was. She got home late tonight, around 8 or so. Caught me off guard as I was listening to Captive by Chris Brown. I'm feeling the new beginning now. It feels like the birth of a new me. I'm excited as fuck.

(Picked out clothes for tomorrow, light incense, watched Kohl and Lamar and dance scene. Today feels like it's been a summer's length, the craziest shit. I'm confident that I will get through this)

6/1
Alexia apologized, went to La Salsa had a good steak burrito, talked to Jason a little he didn't know who Tina was, remembered slightly of what it was like before but not much, had convos about Adderall and other drugs, Roxie met Andrew said he was dumber than Stephan, fell asleep in math class, made eye contact with Sash got a ride with Lia, got home listened to some music, got dressed and walked down to bus stop almost missed it went to work connected well with people, Parissa was getting on my last nerve going on a cleaning spree and she would make a great maid, Dr. Rockland left me a voicemail, "are you sure about that" - Mrs. G - - - bussed my ass back after waiting at the bus stop for a while and after walking through Michael's, odd man on the bus, always feel a little nervous walking home. Mom came to school today "is that your mom?" - Ally. Working on building my new social media up.

6/2
Went to school, it was too much, went to the bathroom, called mom by the vending machines it was just too much for me to handle that day. She freaked out, tightness in chest and throughout, went to the nurse's office, failed a Kreykrey quiz, answered one of the questions with "good times" she laughed something with Jesus Christ as well. Some gov project due today. Talked with mom a little about my symptoms "now imagine you preparing Kool-Aid and you put the sugar in and it's salt, that's how I feel" LOL. Dr. Rockland called as well, looks like we may be good for an appointment this Monday so I'm excited about that. Decided to take control today. (Just looked at my closet door for no apparent reason) I'm going to make an effort to keep a clean environment and to continue striving for a new and improved healthier me. I will not allow this or anything else to interfere with my life. Walked down to 7-Eleven, mom was mad because I walked out looking how I was looking, asked the man where the chocolate was, also asked him to double bag my groceries. Walked home from school today. Almost went for DF but lately I've been beating it out. I'm going on a week off of blogs + trash internet. Going to re-structure my life and learn from this whole experience.

6/4
Went to vocal training, interesting being compared to Adam Lambert. I didn't feel like she understood me and I felt somewhat insecure. Went to work and worked my ass off for hours. Went in at three. The neighborhood was so ghetto. Went to the gas station. "You are looking all kind of everything today" Whatever. I'll see what happens. Went to Walmart after work, took out the trash, mom's said she would put the groceries away if I brought them up.

6/6
Had meeting with Dr. Rockland today. He gave me some really good really realistic advice on my life. A lot on life and a little on the state of my derealization. But the advice that he did give is always making me more agitated because I feel like I can't make my own decisions with regards to my health. After going to Barnes & Noble (talking to some musician guy) and Borders got home I went for a run ate dinner watched Basketball Wives with my mom and came upstairs and pushed myself to do voice. It's always nice and feels good to push past the comfort zone. Mom came in and I'm happy she pushed me but she annoyed me as well. I have severe derealization right now. I need to find some cure for this. Talking with Kathy whilst Devon was eating Panda. Hairy made the Will Smith comment which I found funny. "I was never mad at her for dating Sina she's just a waste of time." Sara said she never said the gracefully comment. It rained today after I wore clothes fit for 80%

6/8
Listening to the scene in a fog. Anyways, had a random day today, last day in Lopez he wasn't here. Sara signed my yearbook along with others. Got quotes for Kreykrey was actually productive today at school, got a ride from Khelsea. Such a fog, but I'm almost accustomed to it. God forbid I have to study anything. Watched some High Society and fucked up my ear twice. Didn't know it closes so fast. This music just sounds like noise. Anyways, got really derealized and kind of shut down after my nap. Got to keep it moving though. It's going to take practice but I'm going to overcome this. Getting ready for bed now. Got a really cool app tonight and got the router working. I need to stop looking at Brandon Hilton's Twitter page so much. And my own. I'm obsessed with looking at my accounts and not obsessed with trying to meet new people. Ahaha changes changes.

6/9
Went to Savior's graduation, Sara cut some mother off in a civic, Dar Dar has a sex tape, last day at Taco Bell today was the last support! Had so much fun tonight, so warm and loving, one thing about this derealization is that it brings me out of my shell because I am so much less self-conscious. I would have never been able to come out of my shell sober (metaphorically) driving up to the lot "she's got a cane there's no way I'm doing that" "it will be fine don't worry about it" Diamond was there, he just annoys me and he always will. Met so many cool people Tahj tweeted me a shout out, got some new Facebook peeps, start of something new! It was so crazy signing Sara's yearbook and Jason was right next to us

6/10
Today seems like it's been years in length. A lot of good came my way today. The lady in the library forgave my government book + I found out I still have a D in Kreykrey meaning that I won't have to retake the class over the summer. I was feeling HORRIBLE in government today, felt like my throat was about to close up along with the fact that I was extremely derealized. Went to La Salsa had to hurry hurry up and eat. Alix was mad for some odd reason. Saw Dar Dar talking about her sex tape with the whole school. Signed Khelsea's yearbook. Played the dot game and talked shit about Jocqui with Vanessa. Went to work, someone got arrested, some new chick started, some boy that makes salads? Mom was mad because I got off so late. Ty ended up NOT making me close which was a lifesaver. Finished my essay in Kreykrey. Life is good overall. Called Eric, no answer. Really wish he would speed up.

6/11
GREAT day today, I've been so busy today. Extra de-realized, but I'm SO used to it now that I don't even think about it. Had a GREAT vocal session with Tanisa really connected with everything... along with that talked to Eric said he was going away until the 30th but said he might begin work on the next track, first time I was ever motivated to get my hair-cut, went and got my hair cut had a great conversation with Brandon, went home watched some New York, then went to work, long day at work but it feels good to be busy and to be making my own money, after that I went to Walmart and I got a water fountain a shoe rack and a container for clutter. Excited to improve my room! Have to get up early in the morning for my beach trip with Aerial. Talk to you later! :)

6/12
Wow today was hectic! Got up at four am went to Malibu beach with Aerial, super productive! From there went to Starbucks and looked some pics, from there went back home took a short nap went to the mall argued with the shady AT&T people, I randomly zombie(d) into the Best Buy Express. Long story short they ended up outside the AT&T store, "I'm going to call mall security you cussed at me" then from there called my work "this is not ok but get here when you get here" rushed home, then got dressed for work, made it to work Angela wants to quit, "you look like Michael Jackson" Brandon said something racist to a black table and got in trouble. Ate some sushi and my mom went off of the man making it. Mom's PMSing on everyone! I'm so TIRED. Part of me

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continue with these correct the grammar

Certainly, I'll continue with the journal entries and correct the grammar. Here are the edited versions:

6/18 (Graduation Day)
How did I forget to journal on graduation day? It was so surreal seeing everyone for the last time. It felt so dream-like (like the past second semester) watching Jennifer's dad plug his ears, LOL. I got home and looked at all of those pictures. All of the time that flew by so fast. It's insane.

Kate Mantali was fun. It was great seeing Aerial, and I'm so happy I was seeing Jocqui and his family for the last time. They are all so stuck up and rude. Talked and took pictures with everyone. Mom met Sara's dad and Alix's people. The signs they made were hilarious. At first, I was upset because I felt like my mom had dropped the ball, but she REALLY did deliver, and I respect her hustle and her love for me.

Aerial came with us instead of Jocqui - HILARIOUS. Wait it out? Where do we go from here? I won't take NO for an answer. Destiny awaits. When I heard Jason's name, I clapped. It's a done deal. Take what you've learned and move the fuck forward.

6/16
Today was technically the last day of school. Had breakfast in the morning. Mey Lyn asked, "Are you going to miss anyone?" I replied, "No... I wish them all the best though." It's crazy how during the last days of school, Jason and I came in close proximity with each other. You could tell there was water under the bridge and a lot we wished we could say, but for once, I didn't jump the shark. I just left it alone. Let it be.

Took a lot of pictures and recorded a lot of video. So surreal. Can't believe that it's really fucking over. Got home today, texted Rae Rae and Tavior about exercising. Went to the park, then to GNC, got some pills. I'm actually feeling REALLY good right now (body-wise)... we'll see how this all turns out tomorrow. Throwing candy at Jess, etc. Awkward picture in senior slideshow, last nutrition. WOAH, time flies. Spent a lot of time trying to figure out what I'm going to be doing with my Twitter.

6/15
It was the last day. Talked to Jackie and signed Kirsch's yearbook in government. Took my last test, had my LAST day in IPS. Roamed around the school for the last time and played a lot of music from year ten. Tell me why as soon as I play "Hear Me Out," I look up and Jason is walking by. Just reminded me of the magic of my sophomore year. That year was really enchanted.

Had a conversation and true closure. He even brought up sophomore year, talked about it in a very vague way, but it feels like peace. "You were right about Ramtin," "He really is shady." As I'm walking away, "We have a lot of history." I talked about how I had to "eject." Arya was talking about how "I'm here because I have to be, etc." It seems like in a strange way, he's missed my friendship (having a true 'best friend'). But I don't do sequels. I feel like if I wanted, I could re-add him on FB and text him, and I know he would respond... but why? Psycho 10 was cancelled a while ago. I'm on to a bigger and bolder book.

The next chapter of my life is mine to write. I decided the outcome. I'm going to finally obtain a relationship this summer. I'm going to make love happen. I deserve to live life. Sara left without me today, got a ride from Lia. Sara really is a 'bully'. My life is officially my responsibility. Devon was talking about how he fell off the test bandwagon around question fifty. Will is leaving for New York on Tuesday. It's just really surreal, I wish I were more aware. Devon isn't going to Jocqui's party. Texted Ariel some today about Nine Lives. Told the manager about O'Reilly tonight. Parissa is getting better. Saw Hairy in the parking lot, "Are you ok?" He's a chill kid. Started to shake the car, then wound up in Walmart as usual.

6/13
had a therapist meeting today. weere going to talk about moms control next week. sat on the stairs whilst i tried and figured out her phone. the silver suv broke down again had to call AA. last "traditional" day i'll ever have in high school. crazyy. went to taco bell with dar dar sara. got a ride from lia after she went to the school. told krey key i was going to miss her "time flies. have a nice life" defeated DF in a trance, which is HUGE for me. when i took out the trash i saw ants everywhere so i sprayed armorial on them. said by to lopez as i was leaving class. said "fuck you" to will and devon as i was driving out of school. put the blackberry disc into comp and it GOT stuck, so i had to go to the mac store and get them to remove it. saw kirscha and angiee walking with two black guys at the topanga mall. erlynda was "perplexed that the battery died"

6/14
last day in computer class and in investments...crazy talked to jason and talissa "peace out - and i wish you luck" jason took a pause "i wish you luck mitchell" or something like that. just felt like closure. played the last game of chess brandon and lopez were pissed "people deserve the right to feel comfortable in class" went to chipotle with sara and devon (he wasn't used to her

driving). drove to get the car from auntie, her car stalled on us three times before it finally started to work. she lost some weight. being extra nice, the usual. went to vitamin shop and got some gaba and something else. made me tired and relaxed. felt similar to the theanine - BUT i was already really tired when i took it. CLEANED my room BIG time. got my entertainment center straighter up and my clutter box filled. put together my fountain and my room feels so peaceful. ariel came on television tonight. so excited for her!

6/15
it was the last day. talked to jackie + signed kirsch's yearbook in government took my last test, had my LAST day in IPS. roamed around the school for the last time + played a lot of music from year ten. tell me why as soon as i play hear me out i look up and jason is walking by. just reminded me of the magic of my sophomore year. that year was really enchanted. had a conversation + true closure. he even brought up sophomore year, talked about it in a very vague way, but it feels like peace. "you were right about ramtin" "he really is shady" as i'm walking away "we have a lot of history". i talked about how i had to "eject" arya was talking about how "i'm here because i have to be etc." it seems like in a strange way he's missed my friendship (having a true 'best friend'. but i don't do sequels. i feel like if i wanted, i could re-add him on FB and text him and i know he would respond...but why? Psycho 10 was cancelled awhile ago. i'm on to a bigger and bolder book. the next chapter of my life is mine to write. i decided the outcome. i'm going to finally obtain a relationship this summer. i'm going to make love happen. i deserve to live life. sara left without me today, got a ride from lia. sara really is a 'bully'. my life is officially my responsibility. devon was talking about how he fell off the test bandwagon around question fifty. will is leaving for new york on tuesday. it's just really surreal, i wish i were more aware. devon isn't going to jocquis party, texted ariel some today about nine lives, told the manager about oriely tonight. parissa is getting better, saw hairy in the parking lot "are you ok?". he's a chill kid. started to shake the car, then wound up in wallmart as usual.

6/16
today was technically the last day of school. had breakfast in the morning, mey lyn asking are you going to miss anyone "no...i' wish them all the best though' its crazy how the last days of school jason and i came in close proximity with each other. you could tell there was water under the bridge and a lot we wish we could say but for once i didn't jump the shark. i just left it alone. let it be. took a lot of pictures and recorded a lot of video. so surreal. can't believe that it's really fucking over. got home today texted rae rae and tAVIOR about exercising went to the park when to GMC got some pills, i'm actually feeling REALLY good right now (body wise)...well see how this all turns out tomorrow...throwing candy at jess, etc awkward picture in senior slideshow, last nutrition. WOAH time flies. spent a lot of time trying to figure out what i'm going to be doing with my twitter

6/18
how did i forget to journal on graudation? so surreal seeing everyone for the last time. it felt so dream-like (like the past second semester) watching jennifers dad plug his ears lol. i got home and looked at all of those pictures. all of the time that flew by so fast. its insane. kate mantali was fun great seeing aerial and so happy i was seeing jocqui and his fam for the last time. they are all so stuck up and rude. talked and took pictures with everonye mom met sara's dad and alixss ppl. the signs they made were hilarious. at first i was upset because i felt like my mom had dropped the ball but she REALLY did deliver and i respect her hustle and her love for me. aerial came with us instead of jocqui HILARIOUS. wait it out? where to we go from here?...i won't take NO for an answer. destiny awaits. when i heard jasons name i clapped. its a done deal. take what you've learned and move the fuck forward.